Wednesday, January 25, 2012

You Are That

For ages you have come and gone
courting this delusion.
For ages you have run from the pain
and forfeited the ecstasy.
So come, return to the root of the root
of your own soul.

Although you appear in earthly form
Your essence is pure Consciousness.
You are the fearless guardian
of Divine Light.
So come, return to the root of the root
of your own soul.

When you lose all sense of self
the bonds of a thousand chains will vanish.
Lose yourself completely,
Return to the root of the root
of your own soul.
You turned your sight
to the empty show of this world. 
 How can you be satisfied with so little?
So come, return to the root of the root
of your own soul.

Why are you so enchanted by this world
when a mine of gold lies within you?
Open your eyes and come ---
Return to the root of the root
of your own soul.

You were born of the universe
when the stars were in their perfect place.
How long will you suffer from the blows
of a nonexistent hand?
So come, return to the root of the root
of your own soul.

You are a ruby encased in granite.
How long will you decieve Us with this outer show? 
We can see the truth in your eyes
So come, return to the root of the root
of your own soul.

Soul of all souls, life of all life - you are That.
Seen and unseen, moving and unmoving - you are That.
The road that leads to enlightenment is endless;
Go without head and feet
and you'll already be there.
What else could you be? - you are That.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

I Believe

I believe in nothing
Not the end and not the start
I believe in nothing
Not the earth and not the stars
I believe in nothing
Not the day and not the dark
I believe in nothing
But the beating of our hearts
I believe in nothing
One hundred suns until we part
I believe in nothing
Not in satan, not in god
I believe in nothing
Not in peace and not in war
I believe in nothing
But the truth of who we are

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Winding Roads

 I feel like we're starting the roller coaster over again. It's like the 5 stages of grief played out in a continuous loop with occasional intermissions during the times they believe that you've changed.

We've all been through denial, "We don't care he's gone, it's happened too many times to even feel it anymore." " This time is different, he didn't even live here, we already left him." Then came Anger. " I Hate him for what he's done to us, I wish he was here right now so that I would scream in his face and let him know how much I really hate him." Next came bargaining, " I wish I could have just been able to say goodbye, I would have given anything for a goodbye." "Maybe if I went with him that night he wouldn't have done it." " I wish I had been nicer and told him I loved him more, I was still just so angry at him from last time. " And now we've hit depression with scattered moments of stages past. " I don't want to get out of bed today." "What's the point of being with friends, nothing makes me happy lately."

We had a family meeting today. The house is a disaster, no one will lift a finger to do anything. No clean cloths, no clean dishes, cupboards full of empty boxes. I've been very sick, I had to go in and receive IV fluids Friday night, I was so dehydrated. I can't keep them motivated when I'm giving it my all let alone from my bed. Everyone wants off the roller coaster. The good times don't hold a candle to the fallout and yet another round of grief. This can't continue I tell them, I promise to never let this happen again, just pull yourselves up one more time. Let's clean this place up, let's love ourselves.

Shem finally broke yesterday morning, he said that the overwhelming feeling of responsibility was crushing him. Emma is self medicating with food and sarcasm. Ella won't leave my side and Owen feels lost. I promise them that this time the ride is over for good. We're a family who knows love, love is what we do best. This too shall pass. I tell them that although our trails are crooked, winding, lonesome and dangerous, I know that they will lead to the most amazing view. I also know what crushing responsibility feels like.

Saturday, January 14, 2012

At the Bottom of Everything

 We must talk in every telephone
Get eaten off the web
We must rip out all the epilogues in the books that we have read
And in the face of every criminal
Strapped firmly to a chair
We must stare, we must stare, we must stare

We must take all of the medicines too expensive now to sell
Set fire to the preacher who is promising us hell
And in the ear of every anarchist that sleeps but doesn't dream
We must sing, we must sing, we must sing

We must blend into the choir
Sing as static with the whole
We must memorize nine numbers and deny we have a soul
And in this endless race for property and privilege to be won
We must run, we must run, we must run

We must hang up in the belfry
Where the bats and moonlight laugh
We must stare into a crystal ball and only see the past
And in the caverns of tomorrow
With just our flashlights and our love
We must plunge, we must plunge, we must plunge