Wednesday, January 25, 2012

You Are That

For ages you have come and gone
courting this delusion.
For ages you have run from the pain
and forfeited the ecstasy.
So come, return to the root of the root
of your own soul.

Although you appear in earthly form
Your essence is pure Consciousness.
You are the fearless guardian
of Divine Light.
So come, return to the root of the root
of your own soul.

When you lose all sense of self
the bonds of a thousand chains will vanish.
Lose yourself completely,
Return to the root of the root
of your own soul.
 
You turned your sight
to the empty show of this world. 
 How can you be satisfied with so little?
So come, return to the root of the root
of your own soul.

Why are you so enchanted by this world
when a mine of gold lies within you?
Open your eyes and come ---
Return to the root of the root
of your own soul.

You were born of the universe
when the stars were in their perfect place.
How long will you suffer from the blows
of a nonexistent hand?
So come, return to the root of the root
of your own soul.

You are a ruby encased in granite.
How long will you decieve Us with this outer show? 
We can see the truth in your eyes
So come, return to the root of the root
of your own soul.

Soul of all souls, life of all life - you are That.
Seen and unseen, moving and unmoving - you are That.
The road that leads to enlightenment is endless;
Go without head and feet
and you'll already be there.
What else could you be? - you are That.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

I Believe

I believe in nothing
Not the end and not the start
I believe in nothing
Not the earth and not the stars
I believe in nothing
Not the day and not the dark
I believe in nothing
But the beating of our hearts
I believe in nothing
One hundred suns until we part
I believe in nothing
Not in satan, not in god
I believe in nothing
Not in peace and not in war
I believe in nothing
But the truth of who we are

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Winding Roads

 I feel like we're starting the roller coaster over again. It's like the 5 stages of grief played out in a continuous loop with occasional intermissions during the times they believe that you've changed.

We've all been through denial, "We don't care he's gone, it's happened too many times to even feel it anymore." " This time is different, he didn't even live here, we already left him." Then came Anger. " I Hate him for what he's done to us, I wish he was here right now so that I would scream in his face and let him know how much I really hate him." Next came bargaining, " I wish I could have just been able to say goodbye, I would have given anything for a goodbye." "Maybe if I went with him that night he wouldn't have done it." " I wish I had been nicer and told him I loved him more, I was still just so angry at him from last time. " And now we've hit depression with scattered moments of stages past. " I don't want to get out of bed today." "What's the point of being with friends, nothing makes me happy lately."

We had a family meeting today. The house is a disaster, no one will lift a finger to do anything. No clean cloths, no clean dishes, cupboards full of empty boxes. I've been very sick, I had to go in and receive IV fluids Friday night, I was so dehydrated. I can't keep them motivated when I'm giving it my all let alone from my bed. Everyone wants off the roller coaster. The good times don't hold a candle to the fallout and yet another round of grief. This can't continue I tell them, I promise to never let this happen again, just pull yourselves up one more time. Let's clean this place up, let's love ourselves.

Shem finally broke yesterday morning, he said that the overwhelming feeling of responsibility was crushing him. Emma is self medicating with food and sarcasm. Ella won't leave my side and Owen feels lost. I promise them that this time the ride is over for good. We're a family who knows love, love is what we do best. This too shall pass. I tell them that although our trails are crooked, winding, lonesome and dangerous, I know that they will lead to the most amazing view. I also know what crushing responsibility feels like.

Saturday, January 14, 2012

At the Bottom of Everything

 We must talk in every telephone
Get eaten off the web
We must rip out all the epilogues in the books that we have read
And in the face of every criminal
Strapped firmly to a chair
We must stare, we must stare, we must stare

We must take all of the medicines too expensive now to sell
Set fire to the preacher who is promising us hell
And in the ear of every anarchist that sleeps but doesn't dream
We must sing, we must sing, we must sing

We must blend into the choir
Sing as static with the whole
We must memorize nine numbers and deny we have a soul
And in this endless race for property and privilege to be won
We must run, we must run, we must run

We must hang up in the belfry
Where the bats and moonlight laugh
We must stare into a crystal ball and only see the past
And in the caverns of tomorrow
With just our flashlights and our love
We must plunge, we must plunge, we must plunge

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Mergings

Jung, Mozart, Plath, Monet, Rumi. They have all taught me what it mean to be human.

Self expression, a sacred communion with the infinite. A way of revealing the world to itself. No one lives in the world that I live in, no one sees a tree as I see a tree. No one feels pain as I feel pain.

I will show you my word, a window into the reality that I alone reside in.

Flowers, leaves, clouds, snowflakes. They have all taught me self expression. The ability to merge seamlessly, the lone tree with the vast forest.

Writing, painting, photography, I will share my world with you, I will hold the mirror of self discovery.

I see the individual drops of water that create the unstoppable ocean. I become a part of something greater than myself and yet I know it was never whole without me.

Dance, sing, create. Share your soul with me.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

The Cave

Fake images.
False realities.
Prisoners of our own minds.

The need to destroy those who don't see the world as we do, who don't buy into the same delusions as ourselves. I am my beliefs, my culture, my religion, to reject my "isms" is to reject me. Those who deny the world as I know know it are my enemies, they threaten the very core of who I believe myself to be.

This is a tree. I have named it, labeled it, conquered it, built my world around it. If you say otherwise, I have lost a piece of reality, I have lost a piece of myself. And if that's not a tree, if that's not a truth, if I was wrong about that all along, what else could I be wrong about? In what world do I live in? Who am I?

I am a human being. I spend my life trying to stay the tides, suspend time, hold others in place, cheat death. I am the center of my own universe, reality flows from my roots. I have the truth, I am the truth. I will kill and destroy anything I don't understand, anything I can't control, anything that threatens reality as I know it to be. I am the blessed one, chosen by the God I have created.

I will not stop until I have secured my world, made it unmovable, indestructible. I will label it, file it away, put it in a box, claim it, control it, defeat it, make it a part of me. For without it, who am I?

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Yin Yang

Imagine you can see out into deep space, so far out that the distance to the nearest galaxies is so vast that no stars are visible in any direction, in fact all that there is to see is a solitary blue ball. Consider this ball for a moment and ask yourself this simple question... is it moving, slowly drifting across the abyss or is it holding still, hanging against the backdrop of the void? The more deeply we consider this question the more we come to realize that there is no possible way of knowing the answer. Indeed, in relation to what could it be said to be moving? Things are said to move only when compared with others, that are relatively still, for movement does not exist in itself but only in relation to stillness - likewise stillness cannot exist except in correlation with motion.

So let's have two balls, and notice that they come closer to each other, or get further apart. Sure, there is motion now, but which one is moving? Ball one, ball two, or both? There is no way of deciding. All answers are equally right and wrong. Now suppose that the balls don't move at all, but that the space between them moves. After all, we speak of a distance (space) increasing or decreasing as if it were a thing that could do something. This is the problem of the expanding universe. Are the other galaxies moving away from ours, or ours from them, or all from each other? The problem comes up because we ask the question in the wrong way. We supposed that solids were one thing and space quite another, or just nothing whatever. Then it appeared that space was no mere nothing, because solids couldn't do without it. But the mistake in the beginning was to think of solids and space as two different things, instead of as two aspects of the same thing. The point is that they are different but inseparable, like the front end and the rear end of a cat.


The space, then, is as real as the solid. Yet we think, 'Well, where there is a solid, there is something, and where there is space, there is nothing.' They are actually as mutually supportive as back and front, they are inseparable. Nobody ever found a space without a solid, and nobody ever found a solid without a space. We've been trained to fix our attention on the solid and disregard the space, but what we fail to see is that it is the solid which implies the space, just as it is the space which implies the solid. It is the soft of your skin that implies the rough of the tree bark, it is the warmth of your body that implies the cold of the snow. Nothing can exist except in relation to it's opposite... it is only through the concept of dark that we can conceive of light, and it is only in relation to light that we can comprehend dark.

Press a single key on a piano and we perceive a solitary note hanging in the air, but what our ear fails to tell us is that every second this note is flowing rapidly in and out of existence. In fact, were this not the case we would fail to hear anything at all. This is because sound is generated not by a tone but by a tone, followed by silence, followed by a tone, followed by silence. Likewise when you switch on a light in the dark you senses are flooded with the perception of light, but in reality your eyes are following your ears' example and withholding the fact that what you perceive as a beam of brightness is actually a union of darkness and light; the light dying away to bring life to the dark, the darkness giving way to the light which implies the darkness in turn. How do would we classify the rich without the poor? Sorrow without joy? If everyone was exactly the same size who would we consider tall? Whom short? If all of humanity were as intelligent as Einstein would we still consider him a genius? We never find the crest of a wave without an accompanying trough, nor a particle without an interval between itself and others. In others words, there is no such thing as a half wave, or a particle all by itself without any space around it. There is no on without off, no up without down. Take away the crest of the wave, and there is no trough.

We are so absorbed in conscious attention, so convinced that this narrowed kind of perception is not only the real way of seeing the world, but also the very basic sensation of oneself as a conscious being, that we are fully hypnotized by its disjointed vision of the universe. We really feel that this world is indeed an assemblage of separate things that have somehow come together or, perhaps, fallen apart, and that we are each only one of them. We see ourselves all alone, born alone and dying alone, maybe as bits and fragments of a universal whole, or expendable parts of a big machine. Rarely do we conceive of all these so-called things and events "going together" like the head and tail of the cat, or as tones and inflections - rising and falling, coming and going - of a single singing voice.

In other words, we do not play the game of death-and-life: the universal game of up/down, on/off. solid/space, and each/all. Instead, we play the game of death-versus-life. Then, not realizing the inseparability of the positive and negative poles of the rhythm, we are afraid that death may win the game. But the game "Life must win" is no longer a game, it is a fight - a fight haunted by a sense of chronic frustration because we are doing something as crazy as trying to keep the mountains and get rid of the valleys.