Sunday, December 30, 2012

The Tree of Life

 

 Charles Darwin was the first person to draw a Tree of Life that showed that all species on Earth are related and that they evolved from a common ancestor. This is his tree.

There is grandeur in this view of life, with its several powers, having been originally breathed into a few forms or into one; and that, whilst this planet has gone cycling on according to the fixed law of gravity, from so simple a beginning endless forms most beautiful and most wonderful have been, and are being, evolved. ~Charles Darwin, The Origin of Species

Saturday, December 29, 2012

Your Very Flesh, a Poem


Love the earth and sun and the animals, despise riches, give alms to every one that asks, stand up for the stupid and crazy, devote your income and labor to others, hate tyrants, argue not concerning God, have patience and indulgence toward the people, take off your hat to nothing known or unknown or to any man or number of men, go freely with powerful uneducated persons and with the young and with the mothers of families, read these leaves in the open air every season of every year of your life, re-examine all you have been told at school or church or in any book, dismiss whatever insults your own soul, and your very flesh shall be a great poem and have the richest fluency not only in its words but in the silent lines of its lips and face and between the lashes of your eyes and in every motion and joint of your body... ~ Walt Walt Whitman

Friday, December 28, 2012

Feet, what do I need you for? I have wings to fly.

My whole life I have dreamed of being an artist.  Art is my therapy. Art is my God. Art is my redemption. Art is my soul on canvas. I paint my own reality. The only thing I know is that I paint because I need to, and I paint whatever passes through my head without any other consideration. 

Everyday I will post a new piece along with my thoughts and feelings that inspired it. Please feel free to comment, question, criticize, and hopefully, enjoy.

Peace and love,
Crystal  

Thursday, June 28, 2012

The Birth Of Venus

 

You would call the foam real, the sea real, real
the conch shell and real the blowing wind; you
would see the lightning in the goddess's eyes,
the sky and the elements laughing about her; the
Hours treading the beach in white garments, the
breeze curling their loosened and flowing hair;
their faces not one, not different, as befits sisters.
           
You could swear that the goddess had emerged
from the waves, pressing her hair with her right
hand, covering with the other her sweet mound
of flesh; and where the strand was imprinted by
her sacred and divine step, it had clothed itself
in flowers and grass; then with happy, more than
mortal features, she was received in the bosom
of the three nymphs and cloaked in a starry garment.

O fair god: you who inspire through the eyes
unto the heart sweet desire full of bitter
thought, you nourish souls with a sweet venom,
feeding yourself on tears and sighs, you ennoble
whatever you regard, for no baseness can exist
within your breast; Love, whose subject I am
forever, now lend your hand to my low intellect.

Sustain the burden that weighs so much upon
me, rule, Love, my tongue and hand; you are
the beginning and the end of my lofty endeavor.

~Angelo Ambrogini

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Dirty Paws


Her dirty paws and furry coat,
She ran down the forest slope
The forest of talking trees,
They used to sing about the birds and the bees
The bees had declared a war,
The sky wasn't big enough for them all
The birds, they got help from below,
From dirty paws and the creatures of snow

And for a while things were cold,
They were scared down in their holes
The forest that once was green
Was colored black by those killing machines
But she and her furry friends
Took down the queen bee and her men
And that's how the story goes,
The story of the beast with those four dirty paws

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Shadows On The Wall

I Dreamed A Million Dreams
 And Never Looked Back
I Sleep Walked Through The Drama
Tried To Bury The Trauma 
But Now I Visit The Girl 
The One That  Lived The Life That I Once Knew

She Sits Under A tree
Barely Resembling Me
A Shadow Of Things Unseen.

  I Pass The Burned  Bridges
 Walls That Have Tumbled Down.
  Past The Nightmares That Scream The Silence
 And The Silence That Screams The Dreams

 The Truth Awakens.
The Cave Opens.
   Awareness Makes An Appearance. 

  Shadows On The Wall
Pictures Shatter
Lies Fall

From The Rubble Sprouts the Truth
Old And Forgotten
Reborn From The Ashes   
Saved From Destruction

Waves Wash Over Me
Mountains Crumble Before Me
She is Me
And I Am Her 

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

For Dawson



I want to live where soul meets body
And let the sun wrap its arms around me
And bathe my skin in water cool and cleansing
And feel, feel what its like to be new

Cause in my head there’s a greyhound station
Where I send my thoughts to far off destinations
So they may have a chance of finding a place
Where they’re far more suited than here

And I cannot guess what we'll discover
When we turn the dirt with our palms cupped like shovels
But I know our filthy hands can wash one another’s
And not one speck will remain

And I do believe it’s true
That there are roads left in both of our shoes
But if the silence takes you
Then I hope it takes me too
So brown eyes I hold you near
Cause you’re the only song I want to hear
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere

Friday, June 15, 2012

Flight Patterns

 

Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won't either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.

Come Dance With Me


I'm a man on fire
Walking through your street
With one guitar
And two dancing feet
Only one desire
That's left in me
I want the whole damn world
To come dance with me

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Remember


Remember that you are not really here.
Remember where you must be.
Your eyes are about to tell you something that your mouth already knows.
Your ears are about to tell you something your feet already know.
Remember that you've never really been here.
Remember that you have never really been here.
Your nose picks up a fragrance and lets it go.
Your mouth picks up a taste,
and lets it swallow itself up into the very oceans of your body.
Remember you have not really ever, ever been here.
~Alex and Crystal 

Monday, June 4, 2012

With My Own Two Hands



I can change the world
With my own two hands
Make it a better place
With my own two hands

I can make it a kinder place
With my own two hands
I can make peace on earth
With my own two hands

I can clean up the earth
With my own two hands
I can reach out to you
With my own two hands

I'm going to make it a brighter place
With my own two hands
I'm going to make it a safer place
With my own two hands

I'm going to help the human race
With my own two hands
I can hold you
With my own two hands


I can comfort you
With my own two hands
But you've got to use
Use your own two hands


Saturday, May 26, 2012

Desert Song

 May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view. 
 May your mountains rise into and above the clouds.
  May your rivers flow without end, meandering through pastoral valleys tinkling with bells, past temples and castles and poets towers.
  Into a dark primeval forest where tigers belch and monkeys howl, through miasmal and mysterious swamps and down into a desert of red rock, blue mesas, domes and pinnacles and grottos of endless stone.
And down again into a deep vast ancient unknown chasm where bars of sunlight blaze on profiled cliffs.
 Where deer walk across the white sand beaches, where storms come and go as lightning clangs upon the high crags.
Where something strange and more beautiful and more full of wonder than your deepest dreams waits for you beyond that next turning of the canyon walls
 

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Presence of Self


I Write Another Phrase Of My Forgotten And Renewed 
Thoughts. I wonder And I Dream About Thing That Could
Have Been, But Turn Away On The Forgotten And Look
Towards The Future And Hope That I Will Find Settlement
There. But As I Am Further More Disappointed I Force My
Self To Look  Away As many Do And Few Don't. I Settle 
For The Cool Beating Of My Heart And Collapse Against
My Own Self Existence. For I Am In The Very Presence
Of My Self And It Is Now And It Is Amazing. I Renew,
Renew, And Renew My Awareness Of Being One With All
And Being All In One. The Excitement, The Anticipation,
The Pain, The Pleasure, The Thrill Of Being Alive And Living
Each Second Of A Renewed
Life

Saturday, May 5, 2012

Vague But Now

 
My Mind Is Vague But It Is Now 
I Exist But Do Not Live A Second Of It
I Own The Journal But Don't Write In It 
I Have The Right Words But Do Not Speak It
I Have The Tools But Do Not Carve
I Know The Song But Do not Sing It
Just Quietly Hum It
I Could Start
But Am To Scared
To Finish

Moonbeams


 We didn't build bridges simply to avoid walking on water. Nothing so obvious. A bridge is a meeting place. A neutral place. A casual place. Enemies will choose to meet on a bridge and end their quarrel in that void...For lovers, a bridge is a possibility, a metaphor of their chances. And for the traffic in whispered goods, where else but a bridge in the night?

Yes I will come for you. Roll my strength into a ball for you. Throw myself across chance for you. I will be the bridge or the pulley because you are the dream.


Friday, May 4, 2012

Your Broken Words



Didn’t anyone mention hate is all we show?
Love is not a side we care to know.
You cut half your heart; it makes it hard to grow.

But soon, you will know…that we’ll all be dammed in the morning; we’ll all be dammed in the evening too.

We’ll all be dammed when the sun won’t shine, and your hateful words will come floating back to you.

Didn’t anyone teach you power is all you need?
You cheat your brother and you drag him through the weeds.
A sharp quick incision should be all you need.

But soon, you will see…that we’ll all be dammed in the morning; we’ll all be dammed in the evening too.

We’ll all be dammed when the sun won’t shine, and your broken words will come floating back to you.



Monday, April 30, 2012

Secret Sky


When the rain begins to fall and the rainbows paint the sky, I will dance with you. When the winter creeps, I'll stand beside you and watch as the snowflakes fall like poetry upon the boughs. When the rays of summer's sun kiss our skin, I will hold your hand and lie with you in the grass making pictures in the clouds. And when the night falls upon us, I will dream with you.

When we are apart, just look around, you will always be able to find me in small and beautiful things: the leaves of fall as sunlight passes through, footprints in the snow, the song of windchimes, springtime flowers, April rains and the stars at night. You will find me in those places and in your memory, and above all, in every song that brings peace to your heart.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Wilted Daisies

 That's a tree. And Cars. Another building like this one. People in the building like us, half of them think it's never going to work out, the other half believe in magic. It's like a war between them. It's a war between us.

When I was a kid I thought that it was my arm giving him daisies. Now I make a new mistake and think it’s your arm giving me the daisies, saying, here, here's simple and happy. That's what I meant to give you.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Empty Cup


you don't exist (sorry) you are dismissed (sorry) I excuse you from the premises of my mind (thank you) regardless of the scars you've forged (slowly) I will soar above your walls (of control) I dare you to shuffle your deck (tricks) I reject your premise and despise your conclusion (bane and banal) and am moving on as soon as your pious purity is purged from the canyons of my insecurities (fuck you).

I welcome only soulfulness (please) embrace ecstatic life reaffirming experiences (each moment) forget the inconsequential, live now. now. now (forever) pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe (alive) express being (flux) struggle with, not against (grow) maintain balance (keep moving) and focus on pieces at a time (neverwhelmed) but always open soaking up whatever this is that we call life and pursuing existential passion be it bliss or despair there is no separation merely two sides of the same coin there is too much wisdom piled against the collapse of mystery and magic it will endure it lives right here and everywhere within you and without you let it be known that this is my position you're a quack not a physician.

that may be unfair and I may be wrong but when my soul writes a song I will sing along and let the rest come later. layer up on fucking layer. I'm not in a very good place to put this out in to space in fact I'll likely rescind my reaction but let it be known I'll never print a retraction only build upon the action. the rhythms of my brain and the wiring of my heart. this is where we start.

Monday, April 23, 2012

Birth

Every cell in the human body regenerates on average every seven years. Like snakes, in our own way we shed our skin. Biologically we are brand new people. We may look the same, we probably do, the change isn't visible at least in most of us, but we are all changed completely forever.

When we say things like "people don't change" it drives scientist crazy because change is literally the only constant in all of science. Energy. Matter. It's always changing, morphing, merging, growing, dying. It's the way people try not to change that's unnatural. The way we cling to what things were instead of letting things be what they are. The way we cling to old memories instead of forming new ones. The way we insist on believing despite every scientific indication that anything in this lifetime is permanent.

Change is constant. How we experience change, that's up to us. It can feel like death or it can feel like a second chance at life. If we open our fingers, loosen our grips, go with it, it can feel like pure adrenaline. Like at any moment we can have another chance at life. Like at any moment, we can be born all over again.

Sunday, April 22, 2012

For Ella Bella



 
Some say love, it is a river,
That drowns the tender reed.
Some say love, it is a razor,
That leaves your soul to bleed.
Some say love, it is a hunger,
An endless aching need,
I say love, it is a flower,
And you it's only seed.

It's the heart, afraid of breaking,
That never, learns to dance.
It's the dream, afraid of waking,
That never, takes the chance.
It's the one, who won't be taken,
Who cannot, seem to give.
And the soul, afraid of dying,
That never, learns to live.

When the night has, been to lonely,
And the road has been to long.
That you think that love is only,
For the lucky and the strong.
Just remember in the winter,
Far beneath the bitter snows,
Lies the seed that with the suns love,
In the spring becomes the rose.

Yellow Bird

And the world's got me dizzy again
You think after 29 years I'd be used to the spin
  But it only feels worse when I'm stuck in one place
So I'm always driving around or walking away

And I've been drinking the ink from my pen
And I've been balancing history books up on my head
But it all boils down to one quotable phrase
If you love something, give it away.

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Kite Strings


    let it go - the
smashed word broken
open vow or
the oath cracked length
wise - let it go it
was sworn to
go

let them go - the
truthful liars and
the false fair friends
and the boths and
neithers - you must let them go they
were born
to go

let all go - the
big small middling
tall bigger really
the biggest and all
things - let all go
dear

so comes love

~ e. e. cummings 




Friday, April 20, 2012

Seahorses and Dragonflies

Because it's April 20th...And because I miss you.


Wednesday, April 18, 2012

宝瓶座


 Dear someone listening in the shadows, I only talk to you sometimes. And though I ask for help in riddles, it is, clearer in my mind.

Dear someone watching from the shadows, I'm clenching water in my fists. The droughts they slip right through my fingers, but there's water on my lips.

Dear someone watching from the shadows, you've seen me lose all the water from my hands. I'm not a skillful water carrier, but the raindrops keep falling on my head.

Born of a sign that carries water, but in a month that brings just ice. I'm not a skillfull water carrier, but I've learned to carry love.

Monday, April 16, 2012

Things Seen and Unseen

               
         Life is a matter of a miracle that is collected over time...

                by moments flabbergasted to be in each other's presence.

           The world is an exam to see if we can rise into the direct experiences.

                Our eyesight is here as a test to see if we can see beyond it.

                Matter is here as a test for our curiosity.

                                      Doubt is here as an exam for our vitality.

Saturday, April 14, 2012

To death: I'm dying. To love: I'm trying

 Does the night come and your body resorts to self destruction?
And when the sun rises in the morning do you find that it regenerates and finds hope in the simplicity of breath?
Do we get more frail with time? Gentler? Kinder?
Or do we resort to threats conjured from our insides?
All good questions to ask myself in the morning, afternoon and night time.
I find it all alot to take.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

My Awesome Life :)

video

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

The End


 Light falls through the window, falls onto me, into me. Moments. All gathering towards this one.

There is grandeur in this view of life, with its several powers, having been originally breathed by the Creator into a few forms or into one; and that, whilst this planet has gone cycling on according to the fixed law of gravity, from so simple a beginning endless forms most beautiful and most wonderful have been, and are being evolved.

It's Life carrying on. It's the next breath we all take. It's the choice we make to get on with it.

Whatever our struggles and triumphs, however we may suffer them, all too soon they bleed into a wash, just like watery ink on paper.

So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.

For after all, tomorrow is another day.

Ruth

 Fire

by Joy Harjo

a woman can't survive
by her own breath
alone
she must know
the voices of mountains
she must recognize
the foreverness of blue sky
she must flow
with the elusive
bodies
of night wind women
who will take her into
her own self

look at me
i am not a separate woman
i am a continuance
of blue sky
i am the throat
of the sandia mountains
a night wind woman
who burns
with every breath
she takes

Monday, April 9, 2012

Bowl of Oranges

 So that's how I learned the lesson
That everyone's alone
And your eyes must do some raining
If you're ever gonna grow
When crying don't help, you can't compose yourself
It's best to compose a poem
An honest verse of longing
Or a simple song of hope

That's why I'm singing, baby, don't worry
Because now I've got your back
And every time you feel like crying
I'm gonna try to make you laugh
And if I can't, if it just hurts too bad
Then we'll wait for it to pass
And I will keep you company
Through those days so long and black

We'll keep working on the problem
We know we'll never solve
Of love's uneven remainders
Our lives are fractions of a whole
But if the world could remain within a frame
Like a painting on a wall
Then I think we'd see the beauty then
And stand staring in awe

At our still lives posed
Like a bowl of oranges
Like a story told
By the fault lines and the soil

Saturday, April 7, 2012

Surrounded in Beauty


I was thinking that I might fly today
Just to disprove all the things that you say
It doesn't take a talent to be mean
You words can crush things that are unseen

So please be careful with me, I'm sensitive
And I'd like to stay that way

You always tell me that it's impossible
To be respected, and be a girl
Why's it gotta be so complicated
Why you gotta tell me if I'm hated

So please be careful with me, I'm sensitive
And I'd like to stay that way

I was thinking, that it might do some good
If we robbed the cynics and took all their food
That way what they believe will have taken place
And we can give it people who have some faith

So please be careful with me, I'm sensitive
And I'd like to stay that way

I have this theory, that if we're told we're bad
Then that's the only idea we'll ever have
But maybe if we are surrounded in beauty
Someday we will become what we see
'Cause anyone can start a conflict
it's harder yet to disregard it
I'd rather see the world from another angle
We are everyday angels
Be careful with me 'cause I'd like to stay that way

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

A Moment In Space

There is but one story,
Playing slightly out of tune,
Symbols through the looking glass,
The sea reflecting moon.
 
Each minute forms a new existence,
              Bits of rapture and fleeting emotions,              
A thousand years is but an instant,
The past holds frozen in the distance.
 
They say you cannot understand this life,
And live it simultaneously.
You must give in; let it sweep you up,
To give coherence to the mystery. 
 
We can fly around as birds,
Forming intricate and subtle patterns,
Creation birthed of imperfection,
The sea rejects no rivers. 
 
This ride requires no explanations,
We are choreographers of this dance,
Authors of our stories,
Creators of our chance. 

Sunday, March 18, 2012

May The Road Rise To Meet You


The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places.  The broken places, the cracks, the fissures, the places where life resides. My children showed me what it means to love. God could be love. Love could be the glue that connects everything. Everything we do and say affects the whole. We are spiders. We are butterflies. We hurt each other. We hurt ourselves. We love each other. We love ourselves. We heal ourselves. We heal the whole.

Every moment I die and am reborn, am I not indestructible? Every smile changes us. Every heartbreak. Every sunrise. Every sunset. Every song. Music is the soundtrack of life. Without music, life would be a mistake. Music is one our greatest forms of self-expression, human expression. It's the story of who we are.

 I wax philosophical when my heart is sad. And when it's happy...Happy, sad. Aren't they the same thing anyways? One brings about the other.  It seems to me like the world is made up of paradoxes. There are no answers, just more questions. Can we learn to live with uncertainty? The only thing that never changes is that everything changes. Live in this moment. It's the only thing that really exists. And it's a beautiful night. It is a very beautiful night.

Carried Away On The Crest Of A Wave

If you walk away, I'll walk away
First tell me which road you will take
I don't want to risk our paths crossing some day
So you walk that way, I'll walk this way

And the future hangs over our heads
And it moves with each current event
Until it falls all around like a cold steady rain
Just stay in when it's looking this way

And the moon's laying low in the sky
Forcing everything metal to shine
And the sidewalk holds diamonds like a jewelry store case
They argue walk this way, no, walk this way

And the world's got me dizzy again
You think after 22 years I'd be used to the spin
And it only feels worse when I stay in one place
So I'm always pacing around or walking away

I keep drinking the ink from my pen
And I'm balancing history books up on my head
But it all boils down to one quotable phrase
If you love something, give it away

You'll be free child once you have died
From the shackles of language and measurable time
And then we can trade places, play musical graves
Till then walk away, walk away

So I'm up at dawn
Putting on my shoes
I just want to make a clean escape
I'm leaving but I don't know where to
I know I'm leaving but I don't know where to

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

You Are That

For ages you have come and gone
courting this delusion.
For ages you have run from the pain
and forfeited the ecstasy.
So come, return to the root of the root
of your own soul.

Although you appear in earthly form
Your essence is pure Consciousness.
You are the fearless guardian
of Divine Light.
So come, return to the root of the root
of your own soul.

When you lose all sense of self
the bonds of a thousand chains will vanish.
Lose yourself completely,
Return to the root of the root
of your own soul.
 
You turned your sight
to the empty show of this world. 
 How can you be satisfied with so little?
So come, return to the root of the root
of your own soul.

Why are you so enchanted by this world
when a mine of gold lies within you?
Open your eyes and come ---
Return to the root of the root
of your own soul.

You were born of the universe
when the stars were in their perfect place.
How long will you suffer from the blows
of a nonexistent hand?
So come, return to the root of the root
of your own soul.

You are a ruby encased in granite.
How long will you decieve Us with this outer show? 
We can see the truth in your eyes
So come, return to the root of the root
of your own soul.

Soul of all souls, life of all life - you are That.
Seen and unseen, moving and unmoving - you are That.
The road that leads to enlightenment is endless;
Go without head and feet
and you'll already be there.
What else could you be? - you are That.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

I Believe

I believe in nothing
Not the end and not the start
I believe in nothing
Not the earth and not the stars
I believe in nothing
Not the day and not the dark
I believe in nothing
But the beating of our hearts
I believe in nothing
One hundred suns until we part
I believe in nothing
Not in satan, not in god
I believe in nothing
Not in peace and not in war
I believe in nothing
But the truth of who we are

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Winding Roads

 I feel like we're starting the roller coaster over again. It's like the 5 stages of grief played out in a continuous loop with occasional intermissions during the times they believe that you've changed.

We've all been through denial, "We don't care he's gone, it's happened too many times to even feel it anymore." " This time is different, he didn't even live here, we already left him." Then came Anger. " I Hate him for what he's done to us, I wish he was here right now so that I would scream in his face and let him know how much I really hate him." Next came bargaining, " I wish I could have just been able to say goodbye, I would have given anything for a goodbye." "Maybe if I went with him that night he wouldn't have done it." " I wish I had been nicer and told him I loved him more, I was still just so angry at him from last time. " And now we've hit depression with scattered moments of stages past. " I don't want to get out of bed today." "What's the point of being with friends, nothing makes me happy lately."

We had a family meeting today. The house is a disaster, no one will lift a finger to do anything. No clean cloths, no clean dishes, cupboards full of empty boxes. I've been very sick, I had to go in and receive IV fluids Friday night, I was so dehydrated. I can't keep them motivated when I'm giving it my all let alone from my bed. Everyone wants off the roller coaster. The good times don't hold a candle to the fallout and yet another round of grief. This can't continue I tell them, I promise to never let this happen again, just pull yourselves up one more time. Let's clean this place up, let's love ourselves.

Shem finally broke yesterday morning, he said that the overwhelming feeling of responsibility was crushing him. Emma is self medicating with food and sarcasm. Ella won't leave my side and Owen feels lost. I promise them that this time the ride is over for good. We're a family who knows love, love is what we do best. This too shall pass. I tell them that although our trails are crooked, winding, lonesome and dangerous, I know that they will lead to the most amazing view. I also know what crushing responsibility feels like.

Saturday, January 14, 2012

At the Bottom of Everything

 We must talk in every telephone
Get eaten off the web
We must rip out all the epilogues in the books that we have read
And in the face of every criminal
Strapped firmly to a chair
We must stare, we must stare, we must stare

We must take all of the medicines too expensive now to sell
Set fire to the preacher who is promising us hell
And in the ear of every anarchist that sleeps but doesn't dream
We must sing, we must sing, we must sing

We must blend into the choir
Sing as static with the whole
We must memorize nine numbers and deny we have a soul
And in this endless race for property and privilege to be won
We must run, we must run, we must run

We must hang up in the belfry
Where the bats and moonlight laugh
We must stare into a crystal ball and only see the past
And in the caverns of tomorrow
With just our flashlights and our love
We must plunge, we must plunge, we must plunge